There is a secret tribe of squatters in LA. They're linked via internet,
cellphone and text. They arrange and parcel out their squatting. When the
actor Roman Ciccio is gone, then Jimmy Vulva will live in his house a couple
of days, followed by Anya Sunsquat, followed by Bobby Hiscore.
Rather, when Roman Ciccio is gone, Jummy Velva will live in his house, while
Anya Sunscoach sleeps in the unoccupied bed of Del Fuccillo, and Bobby
Crabcake crashes on the couch of Ulrich San Squickly, who's off in Banff
shooting a hang-gliding adventure. None of these people actually have
caretakers...or maybe they do have caretakers, and the caretakers are in on
it. If they were wise, they would hire the Squatter Patrol to caretake their
house on a paid basis, but they are not wise.
If the stars only knew what the caretakers were doing when they're gone.
Caretaker Jim Mably goes down to Sunset and picks up girls and brings them
back to actor Franz Colchis's gigantic spaceship orbiting some manzanita,
teetering on manzanita on needle-thin struts like some kind of alien mind. He
doffs them then pops them then sends them home in cabs. They have been
blindfolded up and back so that they cannot reveal the location. He thinks
this is cute, but the fact is, the know and they just don't care. And
besides, anybody can see the "spaceship house", right from Sunset and
Crescent. With a rocket launcher from atop the apartment blocks on the
corner you could blow it out of the sky. As some girls intended to do before
the plot was discovered by Johnny Blowsnakes, the King of LA.
Johnny Blowsnakes lives in a castle high atop a hill in the Mulholland Pass.
Driving by far below you think they're separate houses, owned by individual
families, but the truth is they are all part of the King's castle & court.
It's a little different than it used to be. But even so, the motte & bailey's
still the same, only now it's just a long hillside covered in chaparral.
Anyway. Johnny got the news from his runners, his army of out of work actors,
who roam up and down Sunset and the various flats of Beverly Hills, sipping
coffee drinks and trying to make the girls in the copy shops. He dispatched
his attendants, who collected the girls and blindfolded them and placed them
on buses back to Utah. Once they pass a certain mile marker in the desert,
they can never return. There's an angel with a flaming sword, only she looks
like a showgirl with a
Wait a minute. Is the Statue of Liberty not an angel with a flaming sword,
guarding the gates of Eden? The United States of Eden? The United Gates of
Eden? She's got an exhortative motto on her pedestal, but the angel at the
gates of Eden has "fuck off" in several different languages.